Commitnment !! ??

“Baby, it’s not you, it’s me!!”. You say this and you are just another commitment phobic case.

10 hours back I decide to write something about it, and at that time lots of ideas were popping up and all of them had an example to prove it but not now. It is situations where you have been shown a map few hours back to a treasure and now you just have it in shreds. But still I am not here to tell you about my depleting memory or my other problems. I am here to write something about a problem which is not as serious as Global Warming but has been present on this planet from ages. The problem is about commitment when you have feelings for someone and which is greater than all other issues in your life or at least you think so. Only person who was immune to this was Adam and against his defense I can just say “As if he had a choice!” There are many factors which leads to commitment issues and this are just like any other problem in life. If we can think for days before investing a hefty amount in shares, to buy a car, which college to go for higher studies, then why not here. But most of the above stated issues can be figured out or logically deduced, but in case of commitment problems, the story is somewhat different. I will get into that but let us reach to very cause of this problem.

There are many reasons for Commitment issue. The most important is the fear of losing all the freedom one is enjoying now. What all things we usually do when we are not committed. We can go for night outs, beer after beer, always single and looking, move around with friends and the problems we face are; which bar to hit next weekend, do we go for trekking or sleep all weekend. The common topic is bashing the present government though some of us might not know the name of vice-president of India, cursing office life and the miss management of resource going on, teasing some of the friend who always has to report to his better half. We can talk on anything and complete knowledge is seldom required. Just put some statistic (might not be correct) in your talks and look at the admiration in the eyes of your friend. So life is cool as a bachelor and the main reason behind is a no worry happy all syndrome. And this is where we are hit when we even think of commitment. Forget night outs, friends especially girls, “Drink beer to death” slogans, freaking bike ride and many more. From single and looking, you transformed to committed and strictly not looking. So my point is that it’s not a surprise how our life going to be post commitment. And this knowledge brings a feeling of fear in our mind and many of us thus settle for no commitment and just hang around forever. Only a handful can disagree with this and they are really lucky ones.

I thank few of my friends who gave me ideas and their example on this topic. So the next factor is your priorities which can be career, college, dance class etc. When you start saying excuses like “I want to be president of this country before I commit” or “She can wait man, I have to achieve so many things in life”, then you are a victim of this factor. You will always have something to achieve something or the other and you can’t just ignore someone just because of your over hyped dreams. Definitely if you passion for something is too time consuming then you are not yet ready for commitment. But try not to stretch yourself or your partner, stating this for long. It might not work for long and finally one will get hurt and both will walk different ways.

Another factor is a feeling of being not ready emotionally for this huge event of life. I will say that it’s pretty fine to have fear of not being ready, you are going to take one of the most important decisions of your life and this is not a easy task. Here you have to think about your future and a lot of question will show their ugly head now and then. If you have a hard past where you saw some of your relative getting all this wrong then it might also give you negative ideas. Do get prepared for it but do not over evaluate yourself. To tell you the truth, you can’t be ready technically for commitment. It’s a completely new thing and with experience you will gain your confidence in it. Of course this is not only your side of problem, this is happening to your partner too and is quite natural too.

There are other factors too like need of space, getting bored too early and too often, fear of losing your partner and jealousy. My answer for all this is problem is patience. If your partner is not ready have patience and evaluate your relationship at that time. You can then be more ready to accept it. As for jealousy, I will just say “It’s high time for you to grow up”. If you have a feeling that your partner might cheat on you then this might happen but once committed you have to trust her with your life.

Committing to someone is after all not a horrifying idea as it is made to be. It is wonderful experience one has to have in his life. Like every decisions in your life, it is associated with doubts, instinct and fear. It’s not like you are giving up your life after commitment, it’s just another way for living life with its own merits and demerits. If you don’t overdo your earlier habits you can still keep them. In return you will have a person with whom you can share everything, can trust her decisions blindly. So with its positives and negatives I will conclude that getting committed is a risk but once you have done your evaluation it’s a risk worth taking.